A couple of days ago, I was cleaning out my room: throwing out some college papers, books, old clothes and shoes. I opened up a box that was sealed and tucked away somewhere in my closet. I opened it up and lo and behold were my old journals/ diaries. I picked up the one from when I was 19 years old; as I began to read, I was amused and at the same time shocked at every thing I’ve written.
I noticed two things after reading a couple of the writings: 1) I am no longer the person I was 6 years ago, and 2) I was in a really dark place at that stage of my life. It seems as though I was screaming out loud and wishing someone could hear me. I wanted to be heard and seen. But instead the noises were just in my head.
My struggle with internalized depression went on for years before I finally discovered Celebrate Recovery and all the people that helped me on my road to recovery.
I know when people hear about recovery or recovery programs,their mind immediately goes to Alcoholic Anonymous (AA) or maybe someone recovering from drugs.
I am not an alcoholic and I’ve never done drugs in my life. My struggle was not with material things or things that were visible. My struggle was with my own mind…my past…my demons.The things that kept me up at night…weeping and wishing I didn’t have to face another new day. I went through some dark phases in my life and the whole story is unwritten. Only time will tell…
“For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places” Ephesians 6:12 (KJV)